CLEVELAND--In a statement from the city of Cleveland yesterday, the Indians have officially taken over first place in the race to rebuild one of the town's three sports franchises. Many believed the announcement would herald the Browns as the leaders, but in a shocking turn of events, The City voted the Tribe it's poster-child for rebuilding.
"We've had many phone calls and emails over the past few weeks in support of the Browns being given this honor," said Cleveland. "But we felt that the sheer volume of roster destruction the Dolans had completed this season was too much to overlook."
The Indians have done the miraculous job of trading away 5 of their starting 9 hitters, 4 of their 5 starting pitchers, and their closer--16 in total from their original 31 man roster. The Browns were confident they would be chosen for the award after cutting both QBs (Derek Anderson and Brady Quinn) along with RB Jamal Lewis.
"We're sad to finish 2nd in voting--we really thought we deserved better than this," said Browns GM Mike Holmgren. "But we're going to do our best to trade away as many players as possible by the end of this season to make sure this doesn't happen again. You have my word." [Holmgren then muttered something to his assistant that sounded like "Hillis."]
Of course, this only accounts for two teams in the league, but when asked about why the Cavs didn't garner more votes after all of their offseason moves, the city of Cleveland commented by saying, "too soon."
-Perry Winkler
