Tuesday, November 22, 2011

BREAKING NEWS: Student Athletes Favored Over Regular Students

COLUMBUS--According to a recent survey at the Ohio State University, members of sports teams seem to get favorable treatment from students, professors, administration, and even non-students.

According to the survey (completed inside Ohio Stadium last Saturday afternoon), almost all of the University's attention went directly towards the athletes. Of the 110,056 participants polled, only a handful were in attendance to see someone other than the two dozen or so gentlemen in uniform on the grassy rectangle.

"I think it's unfair that of the hundred thousand or so people who are here today, only a small percentage take up all of the attention and glory" said a nerd. "There are other things to do at football games other than watch football the whole time!"

The past year has been brutal for OSU players and administration for allowing boosters to give student athletes money or pay for amenities because of their status.

"People give athletes stuff so they can hang out with them. I don't see what the problem is" said a girl.

Perry Winkler