CLEVELAND--Long time Cleveland Indians fan, Brutus Mung, has officially filed for divorce from the team he has been in a relationship with for the past 30 years. Judge Beeftop LaRue was asked to rule on the matter and granted Mung full custody over his three children and also full custody over his collection of dignity.
"I've never had to rule on a matter like this before" says Mung, "but it's good to see a man have the proper time with his dignity that any man has the right to."
But there are two sides to every story.
"We just can't help ourselves," said The Indians. "We were born this way. It's really not our fault." Unfortunately for them, they will be spending much less time with the Mung children than they would like. "We loved the kids and we're sad to be seen less by them," they said.
They originally filed for full custody of the children, but then Mung's attorney brought it to the attention of Judge LaRue that the relationship was established long before Mung was of legal age of consent and therefore Cleveland was deemed unsuitable for custody and sentenced to being jerks.
Perry Winkler
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